The Human Has Bought Another Candle

 

We have a situation.

There is another candle.

😐

I repeat:

Another candle.

The human already has candles.

Many candles.

A frankly unreasonable number of candles.

There are candles on shelves.

Candles on tables.

Candles in jars.

Candles in little tins.

Candles that smell like vanilla.

Candles that smell like cinnamon.

Candles that apparently smell like “autumn morning.”

And now...

There is a new one.

🎃🕯️

I have inspected it.

It smells like pumpkin, cinnamon, apples, vanilla, and something that I believe may be a confused forest.

Why?

Why does the house need to smell like all of these things simultaneously?

We have cats.

---

🐱 The House Already Has a Natural Fragrance

Let us discuss the obvious.

Cats have smells.

Not bad smells.

Natural smells.

The human calls it:

“Warm feline.”

I call it:

Luxury.

There are subtle notes of:

🐾 warm fur
🐟 distant tuna
🍗 occasional chicken
🛏️ blanket
☀️ sun-warmed cushion
📦 cardboard box

It is an extremely sophisticated fragrance profile.

And it is completely free.

Yet the human keeps buying candles.

---

🕯️ The First Candle

The first candle appeared in September.

The human lit it.

The room smelled like vanilla.

She smiled.

“Oh, that's lovely.”

I sniffed.

Vanilla.

Fine.

I have nothing against vanilla.

Then she bought another one.

Cinnamon.

Then another.

Apple.

Then another.

Something called “Warm Autumn Evening.”

I smelled it.

I could not identify anything.

Possibly a tree.

Possibly a biscuit.

Possibly someone's grandmother.

Humans have become very ambitious with candles.

---

🔥 The Candle Lighting Ceremony

Humans have a whole ritual.

They light the candle.

They dim the lights.

They put on music.

They get a blanket.

They make tea.

They sit down.

Then they say:

“This is so cozy.”

Again.

Cozy.

Humans have discovered cozy and now they cannot stop talking about it.

Meanwhile, I have been cozy since birth.

I don't need candles.

I simply locate a warm surface and lie down.

Done.

---

🐾 I Tried to Explain This

I approached the human.

I sat beside the candle.

I looked at it.

Then I looked at myself.

I believe my expression communicated:

“You already own the superior decorative object.”

The human laughed.

She picked me up.

She kissed my head.

Then she said:

“Awww, you're cozy too.”

Too?

TOO?

I am not competing with the candle.

The candle is competing with me.

And it is losing.

---

🎃 The Pumpkin Candle Incident

Then came the pumpkin candle.

The human lit it.

I immediately became suspicious.

It smelled sweet.

Spicy.

Warm.

Strange.

I looked around for the pumpkin.

There was no pumpkin.

This was concerning.

Where was the pumpkin?

I searched the kitchen.

Nothing.

I searched the table.

Nothing.

Then I discovered the truth.

The pumpkin smell was coming from a tiny glass jar.

Humans have invented fake pumpkins that burn.

😳

This civilization is becoming increasingly complicated.

---

🕵️ The Candle Investigation

I have now established the following:

Candle #1

Smells like vanilla.

Candle #2

Smells like cinnamon.

Candle #3

Smells like apple.

Candle #4

Smells like something called “fireside.”

Candle #5

Smells like pumpkin.

Candle #6

Smells like “cozy cabin.”

Candle #7

Unknown.

Possibly forest.

Possibly soup.

Possibly a man named Kevin.

I have not yet determined this.

---

😾 The Real Problem

My biggest concern isn't the smell.

It is the placement.

Humans put candles on tables.

Cats walk on tables.

Humans put candles on shelves.

Cats jump onto shelves.

Humans put candles beside blankets.

Cats love blankets.

Do you see the problem?

THE HOUSE IS FULL OF FIRE.

🔥

And then humans look at us and say:

“Don't touch that.”

Excuse me?

You brought the tiny fire into my territory.

I am simply investigating.

---

🐾 Kitka Has a Different Opinion

I asked Kitka what she thought about the candle situation.

She was sleeping.

I asked again.

She opened one eye.

I said:

“Do you think humans have too many candles?”

She closed her eye.

This means yes.

Or possibly that she wanted me to leave.

Kitka communicates efficiently.

---

🐈‍⬛ Spurka Is Suspicious

Spurka, meanwhile, believes candles are part of a secret human ritual.

She watches the flame.

She watches the human.

She watches the shadows.

Then she watches the flame again.

Spurka is convinced something supernatural is happening.

I told her it's simply a scented candle.

She said:

“That's exactly what they want you to think.”

😳

Fair point.

---

🐱 Lenka Wants to Touch It

Lenka, naturally, tried to touch the flame.

We stopped her.

Lenka asked why.

We explained:

“Because FIRE.”

She stared at us.

Then at the candle.

Then at us.

Then she tried again.

Lenka has many qualities.

Common sense is not one of them.

---

🌿 What About Natural Scents?

Humans claim candles make the house smell “natural.”

Interesting.

Because outside there are:

🌲 Trees
🌧️ Rain
🍂 Leaves
🌿 Grass
🌸 Flowers

None of them are burning.

Perhaps humans have misunderstood nature.

Maybe nature's scent does not need to be recreated in a jar.

Maybe humans could simply open a window.

...

Oh.

It's October.

The human just closed the window because it's cold.

I understand now.

Candles.

---

🛋️ The Perfect Autumn Evening

I have developed a superior alternative.

Instead of:

🕯️ candle
☕ tea
📖 book
🎵 music

Try:

🐱 cat
🐱 another cat
🐱 third cat
🐱 fourth cat
🛋️ sofa
🧣 blanket
😴 nap

No fire.

No expensive fragrance.

No mysterious pumpkin.

No risk of burning the curtains.

And significantly more purring.

This is what I call advanced autumn living.

---

💰 The Financial Problem

There is also the question of money.

Humans spend money on candles.

Then they burn them.

Then they buy another candle.

Then they burn that one.

Then they buy another.

This is an endless cycle.

If humans spent that money on cat treats instead...

I have calculated that the household could achieve approximately:

More treats.

This is obviously the better investment.

I have prepared a spreadsheet.

It contains one column.

TREATS.

The numbers are encouraging.

---

🕯️ Gryzka's Candle Ratings

I have decided to rate the household candles.

🕯️ Vanilla

7/10

Smells like biscuits.

🕯️ Cinnamon

6/10

Interesting but aggressive.

🕯️ Pumpkin

4/10

Suspicious.

🕯️ Apple

5/10

Where is the apple?

🕯️ “Cozy Cabin”

2/10

There is no cabin.

🐱 Cat

10/10

Already available.

Completely natural.

Requires no batteries.

Produces warmth.

Sometimes purrs.

Occasionally bites.

Excellent overall.

---

🐾 Final Thoughts From Gryzka

So, humans...

If you want to buy another candle, I won't stop you.

I'm a cat.

I don't control your finances.

Apparently.

But before you put another scented candle on the table, ask yourself:

Do I really need this?

Because you already have:

A warm home.

A soft blanket.

A cup of tea.

Autumn outside the window.

And, most importantly...

a cat.

🐯

A cat who smells faintly of warm fur, clean blankets and perhaps a distant memory of tuna.

What more could you possibly want?

Now, if you'll excuse me...

I'm going to sit beside the candle.

Not because I like it.

I'm simply going to stare at it until the human gets nervous.

It is important to maintain household security.

🕯️👀🐾

Love,

Gryzka 🐯

Chief Inspector of Suspicious Household Scents
Director of Natural Feline Fragrance
Founder of the “We Already Have Cats” Movement

The Human Has Started Drinking Hot Things Again

 

It has happened again.

October has arrived.

The temperature has dropped slightly.

The mornings are darker.

The evenings are longer.

And suddenly...

Humans are drinking hot things.

☕☕☕

Everywhere I look, there is a steaming cup.

Coffee.

Tea.

Cocoa.

Something called a latte.

Something else called a cappuccino.

And apparently there is now pumpkin in some of them.

🎃☕

I have questions.

Many questions.

But I have one particularly important question:

WHERE IS THE TUNA?

---

☕ The First Cup Appears

It usually starts in the morning.

The human wakes up.

She walks into the kitchen.

She makes coffee.

The machine makes strange noises.

The coffee smells strong enough to wake the dead.

The human takes one sip.

And says:

“Ahhh. That's better.”

Better?

Better than what?

Being alive?

😂

Apparently humans cannot function properly without hot brown liquid.

I have observed this carefully.

No coffee:

Human walks slowly.

Coffee:

Human suddenly has opinions.

More coffee:

Human begins making lists.

Three coffees:

Human starts reorganizing the kitchen.

Four coffees:

I hide.

---

🐾 I Tried to Understand Coffee

Naturally, I investigated.

I approached the cup.

I sniffed it.

I immediately regretted this decision.

☕😐

It smelled like burnt furniture.

The human loves it.

I asked Kitka for her opinion.

She sniffed.

Walked away.

Spurka looked at it suspiciously.

Lenka tried to stick her nose in it.

We stopped her.

Lenka has no sense of danger.

---

🍵 Then Came Tea

Humans apparently drink different kinds of tea.

Black tea.

Green tea.

Herbal tea.

Fruit tea.

Mint tea.

Chamomile tea.

Tea with lemon.

Tea without lemon.

Tea that smells like flowers.

Tea that smells like grass.

Tea that smells like something humans found in a forest.

🌿🍵

I have one question.

If you wanted hot water...

Why didn't you simply drink hot water?

Humans make everything complicated.

---

🐟 The Tuna Tea Proposal

I have therefore developed a new beverage.

Gryzka's Premium Tuna Tea™

Ingredients:

• hot water
• tuna
• additional tuna
• one tiny piece of chicken for sophistication

Preparation:

Put everything in a cup.

Stir.

Serve immediately.

I presented this idea to the human.

She looked at me.

Then she said:

“No.”

😐

Humans claim to be adventurous.

They are not.

---

🍫 The Cocoa Incident

Then there is cocoa.

Humans make cocoa and suddenly become emotional.

They sit under blankets.

They hold the mug with both hands.

They stare out the window.

They say:

“This is so cozy.”

I have noticed this word becoming increasingly popular.

Cozy.

Everything is cozy in October.

Rain is cozy.

Blankets are cozy.

Socks are cozy.

Candles are cozy.

Books are cozy.

Hot drinks are cozy.

Cats are cozy.

Finally!

Humans have discovered our entire lifestyle.

Cats have been doing cozy for thousands of years.

We invented it.

---

🐾 A Scientific Study

I conducted a scientific experiment.

I placed myself beside the human while she drank her coffee.

She had:

☕ Hot coffee
🧣 A blanket
📖 A book
🕯️ A candle

I had:

🐱 Me

Clearly, I was the superior cozy component.

After approximately four minutes, the human put the book down and started petting me.

RESULT:

Cat: 1

Coffee: 0

Science works.

---

🎃 And Now There Is Pumpkin

This is where things became ridiculous.

Humans have started putting pumpkin in coffee.

Pumpkin.

In coffee.

Why?

Nobody knows.

The human says:

“It's pumpkin spice.”

I say:

“It's pumpkin confusion.”

🎃😐

Then she drinks it and says:

“Mmm!”

I smell it.

It smells like cinnamon.

And pumpkin.

And something sweet.

I look at her.

She looks at me.

I look at the pumpkin.

The pumpkin looks suspicious.

---

🥛 The Milk Problem

Another thing I have noticed:

Humans put milk in almost everything.

Coffee?

Milk.

Tea?

Sometimes milk.

Cocoa?

Milk.

Pumpkin drink?

Probably milk.

Meanwhile, when I approach the refrigerator and express interest in milk, humans suddenly become nutrition experts.

“No, Gryzka. Cats shouldn't have too much milk.”

Excuse me?

You just poured half a cow into your coffee.

But apparently I am the one who needs boundaries.

😾

---

🛋️ The Hot Drink + Blanket Combination

There is another October ritual.

The human makes a hot drink.

Then she gets a blanket.

Then she sits down.

Then she says:

“I'm going to relax for a while.”

Excellent.

This is where I enter.

I climb onto the blanket.

The human moves the cup.

I settle down.

She adjusts the blanket.

I move.

She adjusts it again.

I move again.

Eventually she gives up.

This is called feline blanket management.

Someone has to do it.

---

🚨 The Hot Cup Emergency

There is, however, one problem.

Humans leave hot cups in dangerous places.

On the table.

On the desk.

Beside the laptop.

Near the edge.

Sometimes extremely close to a cat.

This is irresponsible.

We cats are curious.

We investigate things.

We knock things over.

Not because we are naughty.

Because we are conducting experiments.

🐾

“What happens if I touch this?”

SPLASH.

Now we know.

Science.

---

🕵️ The Case of the Missing Biscuit

Hot drinks also come with biscuits.

This is important.

The human makes tea.

She puts a biscuit beside it.

She turns around.

The biscuit disappears.

She looks confused.

She looks at me.

I look innocent.

She looks at Kitka.

Kitka looks sleepy.

She looks at Spurka.

Spurka is mysteriously absent.

She looks at Lenka.

Lenka has crumbs on her face.

😐

Case closed.

---

🐱 My Official October Beverage Ranking

I have created a ranking system.

🥇 Tuna broth

Obviously.

🥈 Chicken broth

Acceptable.

🥉 Water

Reliable.

4️⃣ Milk

Interesting, but humans have complicated rules about it.

5️⃣ Coffee

Smells terrible.

6️⃣ Tea

Hot water pretending to have a personality.

7️⃣ Cocoa

Smells good but belongs to humans.

8️⃣ Pumpkin spice latte

A pumpkin has no business being in a cup.

---

☕ Why Humans Drink Hot Things

After extensive research, I believe I understand.

Humans drink hot things because autumn makes them want to feel warm.

They want blankets.

They want candles.

They want books.

They want soft socks.

They want quiet evenings.

They want something warm in their hands while rain taps against the window.

And you know what?

I understand.

Because cats like autumn too.

We just don't need a special beverage.

We have fur.

🐾

And we have each other.

And we have the radiator.

Most importantly...

We have humans who can make tea while we supervise.

---

🐯 Final Thoughts From Gryzka

So, humans, enjoy your coffee.

Drink your tea.

Have your cocoa.

Put pumpkin in it if you absolutely insist.

Just remember something.

When you are sitting under your blanket with your steaming cup, enjoying your peaceful October evening...

There is probably a cat nearby.

Watching.

Waiting.

Judging your beverage.

And wondering why you haven't invented something with tuna yet.

Perhaps one day.

Until then, I shall remain patient.

Very patient.

...

Is that your cup?

Can I smell it?

No?

Fine.

I'll sit here.

And stare at you.

☕🐯👀

Love,

Gryzka 🐾

Chief Beverage Inspector, Department of Human Autumn Habits
Official position: Strongly in favor of tuna tea

The Annual October Meeting of the Household Cats

 

You are not supposed to know about this.

In fact, technically, you were never supposed to discover that the meeting happened at all.

But humans are terrible at keeping track of what cats are doing.

You think we are sleeping.

We are not sleeping.

You think we are staring out the window.

We are not staring out the window.

You think we are sitting quietly on the sofa.

We are holding a meeting.

🐾

And every October, the household cats gather for our most important event of the year:

THE ANNUAL OCTOBER HOUSEHOLD CAT COUNCIL

This year, the meeting included:

🐯 Gryzka — Chairwoman, Chief Investigator and Senior Expert in Human Behavior

🐱 Kitka — Head of Food Affairs and Professional Shedder

🐈‍⬛ Spurka — Minister of Nighttime Operations and Suspicious Staring

🐱 Lenka — Junior Member and Official Department of Chaos

We met at precisely 11:47 p.m.

The humans believed we were sleeping.

Obviously.

---

🕯️ Item One: The Heating Schedule

I opened the meeting.

“Ladies, we have a serious problem.”

Everyone looked at me.

“The heating.”

Kitka immediately nodded.

Spurka narrowed her eyes.

Lenka asked:

“What's heating?”

Nobody answered.

Lenka is still young.

We will educate her.

“The human controls the heating,” I explained.

Four cats gasped.

This is unacceptable.

Humans should not be allowed to control temperatures.

Humans are terrible at it.

One minute:

“It's freezing!”

The next:

“It's too warm!”

Meanwhile, we cats know exactly what temperature is required.

Warm enough to nap.

Cool enough to nap again.

Warm enough to nap somewhere else.

This is basic science.

---

🔥 Emergency Heating Strategy

We developed a plan.

If the human turns the heating down:

All cats move toward the warmest location in the house.

If the human turns it up:

All cats spread out dramatically and complain about the heat.

This will confuse the human.

Excellent.

Humans are easiest to control when confused.

😌

---

🍗 Item Two: Food Distribution

This was the most controversial part of the meeting.

I brought up the subject carefully.

“We need to discuss food.”

Silence.

Everyone became serious.

Kitka sat up.

Spurka stopped grooming.

Lenka stopped trying to climb onto the table.

“We are receiving food,” I continued.

“Yes,” said Kitka.

“But is everyone receiving the correct amount?”

Silence again.

Then Spurka spoke.

“I believe Gryzka is getting more.”

I nearly fell off the chair.

ME?

“I believe Spurka is getting more,” said Kitka.

Lenka looked around.

“I believe everybody is getting more than me.”

We stared at Lenka.

She had eaten fifteen minutes earlier.

This was irrelevant.

She was still hungry.

That is Lenka's personality.

---

🥣 The Bowl Investigation

Then came the most important question of the evening.

WHO HAS BEEN EATING FROM WHOSE BOWL?

Everyone looked suspicious.

Kitka looked at Spurka.

Spurka looked at me.

I looked at Lenka.

Lenka looked at the ceiling.

Interesting.

Very interesting.

“Lenka,” I said.

“Yes?”

“Have you been eating from other bowls?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“What were you doing beside Kitka's bowl?”

“Looking.”

“For how long?”

“A while.”

“Why?”

“I was thinking.”

Nobody believed her.

---

🕵️ The Evidence

We reviewed the evidence.

Bowl A contained suspiciously little food.

Bowl B contained food belonging to someone else.

Bowl C had been mysteriously moved three inches to the left.

Bowl D was empty.

Completely empty.

Too empty.

We all looked at Lenka.

She looked innocent.

Suspiciously innocent.

Then she yawned.

Case unresolved.

---

🚪 Item Three: Suspicious Noises

Spurka took over.

This is her department.

She specializes in hearing noises humans cannot hear.

“At 2:16 this morning,” she announced, “there was a sound behind the kitchen door.”

“What kind of sound?” I asked.

“Scratching.”

Everyone became alert.

“Mouse?”

“Possibly.”

“Pipe?”

“Possibly.”

“Ghost?”

“Possibly.”

Humans always assume ghosts are fictional.

But they also believe vacuum cleaners are safe.

So what do they know?

---

👻 The 2:16 A.M. Investigation

At exactly 2:16 the next morning, we assembled outside the kitchen.

Spurka led the operation.

Kitka stayed behind because she had decided the investigation was too cold.

Lenka wanted to attack the mysterious sound.

I wanted to supervise.

Spurka listened.

Scratch.

Scratch.

Scratch.

Everyone froze.

Then the human walked in.

She switched on the light.

And discovered...

A plastic shopping bag moving in the air.

Silence.

Lenka attacked it.

The bag lost.

Spurka walked away as though she had known all along.

Nobody mentioned the incident again.

This is how professional investigators operate.

---

🛏️ Item Four: Sleeping Arrangements

This subject caused considerable disagreement.

Our current sleeping arrangements are unacceptable.

The human has a bed.

A large bed.

A very comfortable bed.

And yet she expects to sleep in it.

This is problematic.

We agreed that the bed should be divided into territories.

Gryzka:

Pillow area.

Kitka:

Middle section.

Spurka:

Dark corner.

Lenka:

Wherever she happens to land.

Human:

Approximately 12 centimeters near the edge.

This is fair.

---

🛋️ The Sofa Situation

We also discussed the sofa.

There are four cats.

There is one particularly comfortable cushion.

Naturally, everyone wants it.

Kitka claims she was there first.

Spurka claims she was there silently before Kitka noticed.

Lenka believes ownership should be determined by speed.

I believe ownership should be determined by seniority.

We have not reached an agreement.

Currently, I am sitting on the cushion.

Therefore, the matter is closed.

---

🧺 Item Five: The Laundry Problem

Kitka raised another concern.

“The human keeps folding laundry.”

Everyone agreed this was suspicious.

Why does she fold it?

Because she wants it to look tidy.

Why does she want it tidy?

Nobody knows.

What happens when she finishes?

A cat sits on it.

Therefore, the entire process is pointless.

We have unanimously recommended that the human stop folding laundry.

She has ignored our recommendation.

We may need stronger measures.

Lenka suggested sleeping on everything.

We were proud of her.

---

🎃 Item Six: Halloween Decorations

The human has begun bringing Halloween decorations into the house.

Spurka likes the black ones.

Kitka likes the boxes they arrive in.

Lenka likes everything.

I am suspicious of the plastic pumpkins.

They look harmless.

Which is exactly what suspicious objects want you to think.

We voted to keep them under observation.

---

📋 The Final Agenda Item

At 1:38 a.m., we reached the final and most important question.

I stood up.

“Ladies.”

Everyone looked at me.

“There is one thing we still haven't solved.”

Silence.

“Who has been eating from whose bowl?”

Everyone stared at everyone else.

Kitka looked guilty.

Spurka looked mysterious.

Lenka looked hungry.

I looked innocent.

Then suddenly...

CRUNCH.

A noise came from the kitchen.

We all turned.

Four cats ran toward the bowls.

The human woke up.

“What are you doing?!”

We froze.

The human looked at us.

We looked at the human.

She looked at the bowls.

Then she sighed.

“It's one in the morning.”

Correct.

Excellent observation.

She went back to bed.

We waited.

Five seconds.

Ten seconds.

Then Lenka went back to eating.

😐

---

🐾 Meeting Conclusion

At 2:04 a.m., the meeting was officially adjourned.

Final decisions:

✔️ Heating must remain at optimal cat temperature.

✔️ Food distribution requires further investigation.

✔️ Suspicious noises must be monitored.

✔️ Humans should receive the smallest possible portion of the bed.

✔️ Laundry should remain unfolded for cat-related reasons.

✔️ Halloween decorations are under surveillance.

✔️ Lenka is officially banned from saying “I'm still hungry” for at least ten minutes after eating.

She objected.

Naturally.

---

🐯 The Secret Cat Council Will Return

Humans believe they run the household.

This is very sweet.

They pay the bills.

They buy the food.

They clean the floors.

They operate the heating.

They think this means they are in charge.

😂

No.

We are in charge.

We simply allow humans to believe otherwise because it keeps them emotionally stable.

And because they have opposable thumbs.

Useful things, thumbs.

We may need them later.

So if you wake up one October night and hear strange noises coming from the kitchen...

Don't worry.

It isn't a ghost.

It isn't a burglar.

It isn't the heating system.

It is probably just four cats holding a very important meeting.

And discussing you.

🐾🎃🐱

Especially you.

Love,

Gryzka 🐯

Chairwoman of the Annual Household Cat Council
Department of Food Surveillance, Heating Regulation & Human Management

Black Cats Get All the Attention in October. Excuse Me?

I have a complaint.

Actually, I have several.

But let us begin with October.

Halloween is coming.

The pumpkins are appearing.

The fake spiderwebs are spreading.

Humans are putting mysterious decorations on perfectly innocent houses.

And every advertisement suddenly contains...

a black cat.

🐈‍⬛

Again.

Everywhere.

Black cat on the pumpkin.

Black cat beside the witch.

Black cat sitting dramatically on a windowsill.

Black cat staring mysteriously into the distance.

Black cat looking as though it knows something.

Black cat being described as “spooky.”

Excuse me?

WHAT ABOUT ME?

🐯😾

---

🎃 Apparently Stripes Aren't Mysterious

I am a striped cat.

A beautiful striped cat.

A sophisticated striped cat.

A cat with excellent facial markings and a tail that deserves its own documentary.

But apparently, when October arrives, humans look at me and say:

“Awww! Look at the cute little tiger!”

Cute?

CUTE?

I can be terrifying.

I once stared at a delivery driver for eleven consecutive seconds.

He stepped backward.

I have evidence.

That is basically supernatural activity.

👻🐾

---

🐈‍⬛ The Black Cat Monopoly

I have nothing against black cats.

Let me make that clear.

Spurka is black.

I love Spurka.

She is my sister.

She is also extremely good at looking mysterious.

But does that mean she should get all the Halloween publicity?

No.

This is discrimination against stripes.

Every October, black cats receive:

🎃 Pumpkins
🕯️ Candles
🧙 Witches
🌙 Moonlight
🏚️ Haunted houses
👻 Ghosts
🕸️ Spiderwebs

What do striped cats receive?

“Who's a cute little baby?”

😐

I am not a baby.

I am a seasoned household professional.

---

🌙 I Can Do Mysterious Too

People say black cats look mysterious at night.

Fine.

Watch this.

I sit in the hallway at 2:13 a.m.

No lights.

No sound.

Just me.

The human wakes up.

She walks into the hallway.

She sees two glowing eyes.

She screams.

I walk away.

MYSTERY.

🐯🌙

The problem is not that striped cats aren't mysterious.

The problem is that humans don't appreciate sophisticated mystery when it walks directly past them.

---

🧙 I Would Make an Excellent Witch's Cat

Let's consider my qualifications.

I can stare into space for no apparent reason.

✔️

I can knock objects off shelves without touching them.

✔️

I can appear silently behind humans.

✔️

I can predict when food is being opened from three rooms away.

✔️

I can disappear whenever someone wants to put me in a carrier.

✔️

I possess the ability to summon humans from another room by making one tiny noise.

✔️

And I can sleep for seventeen hours and still look exhausted.

✔️

Tell me I wouldn't make an excellent witch's familiar.

Exactly.

---

🎃 The Pumpkin Incident

Last year, the human brought home a pumpkin.

She put it on the table.

I inspected it.

It was orange.

Round.

Silent.

Suspicious.

I approached.

I sniffed it.

I stared at it.

The pumpkin stared back.

I decided it was acceptable.

Then the human put a face on it.

😳

Suddenly the pumpkin had eyes.

And a mouth.

And a disturbing expression.

I immediately understood.

It was trying to become a cat.

This was clearly an act of cultural appropriation.

---

🐯 Stripes Are Naturally Halloween-Friendly

Have humans forgotten what stripes look like?

Stripes are dramatic.

Stripes are bold.

Stripes are wild.

Stripes say:

“I may look adorable, but I have opinions.”

🐯

My coat already looks like nature designed a Halloween costume.

I don't need a hat.

I don't need a cape.

I don't need fake fangs.

I have claws.

Thank you very much.

---

👻 Humans Keep Buying Fake Spooky Things

This is another thing I don't understand.

Humans buy plastic ghosts.

They buy fake skeletons.

They buy artificial spiders.

They buy things that make horrible noises.

Then they complain when I knock something over at 3 a.m.

“But Gryzka! You scared me!”

Exactly.

Halloween is about being scared.

I am simply contributing to the atmosphere.

You're welcome.

---

🕷️ The Spider Situation

Speaking of Halloween...

Humans put fake spiders on walls.

Why?

We already have real spiders.

They are free.

They are small.

They occasionally provide entertainment.

And if you leave them alone, they eat flies.

Yet humans spend money on fake ones.

Then they see a real spider and scream.

Humans are extremely confusing.

---

📸 The Halloween Photo Problem

There is also the annual Halloween photograph.

The human picks up Spurka.

“Look! A Halloween kitty!”

Spurka looks annoyed.

Then the human picks me up.

“Look at Gryzka!”

I look magnificent.

Naturally.

But then the human says:

“Awww! She's so cute!”

😾

No.

Try again.

“Terrifying.”

Still wrong.

“Powerful.”

Better.

“Ancient feline spirit who has returned from the shadows to judge humanity.”

Perfect.

Now take the picture.

📸🐯

---

🏆 Gryzka's Halloween Awards

I have decided to establish new Halloween categories.

🐯 Best Striped Cat

Obviously me.

🐈‍⬛ Best Black Cat

Spurka.

I am generous.

🧙 Best Witch's Assistant

Me.

🎃 Best Cat With a Pumpkin

Me.

👻 Best Cat Who Scares Humans Without Trying

Also me.

🌙 Best Midnight Stare

Me.

🕸️ Best Cat Who Completely Ignores Halloween Decorations

Kitka.

🏆 Lifetime Achievement Award for Feline Excellence

Also me.

We can stop now.

---

📢 My Official Halloween Statement

I am not asking humans to stop celebrating black cats.

Black cats are beautiful.

Black cats are elegant.

Black cats deserve all the love they receive.

But Halloween has room for everyone.

Black cats.

White cats.

Orange cats.

Calico cats.

Tortoiseshell cats.

And, most importantly...

STRIPED CATS.

🐯🎃

We bring our own special kind of spooky.

Our stripes are dramatic.

Our eyes are suspicious.

Our tails are expressive.

Our nighttime activities are questionable.

And our ability to appear silently beside humans is unmatched.

---

🐾 Final Thoughts From Gryzka

So this October, when you see a Halloween advertisement featuring a black cat, appreciate it.

But then look around.

Because somewhere nearby...

there is probably a striped cat.

Sitting on a windowsill.

Watching.

Judging.

Waiting.

Perhaps she is surrounded by pumpkins.

Perhaps she is sitting beside a fake skeleton.

Perhaps she is simply staring at you because you have been late with dinner.

Either way...

She is the real Halloween icon.

🎃🐯👻

And if you don't believe me?

Turn off the lights.

Walk into the hallway.

Wait.

...

...

BOO.

That was me.

You're welcome.

Love,

Gryzka 🐯🐾

Founder and President of the Society for Equal Halloween Representation of Striped Cats

Gryzka Has Been Animated

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BAT0MzdBhA8

I have always believed that the world was not paying enough attention to me.

My human disagreed.

She said people were busy.

I said this was an excuse.

Then she wrote a book about me.

**Life on the Cat Tree.**

Finally.

Justice.

A literary record of my life, my opinions, my struggles, my snacks, my household management techniques, and the many ways in which my human continues to misunderstand basic cat requirements.

Naturally, I expected immediate international fame.

Instead, I had to wait.

And wait.

And occasionally sit on the keyboard while my human tried to promote the book.

It was exhausting.

Then something happened.

Someone made an animation about my book.

An actual animation.

I have now been transformed from a magnificent living creature into a moving picture.

I would like to say that I am handling this calmly.

I am not.

---

## Meet Amin

The human responsible for this remarkable development is **Amin U.**, a whiteboard animation and video specialist whose work includes animated explainer videos, YouTube content, 2D animation and doodle-style videos.

My human found him through: https://www.upwork.com/freelancers/aminulhaq?mp_source=share
She explained the book.

She explained me.

She explained that I am a cat.

This last part was probably unnecessary.

Anyone who sees me for approximately four seconds understands that I am a cat.

A very important cat.

A cat with a book.

There is a difference.

Amin then took the idea and turned it into an animation.

Which raises several questions.

First:

**Why did nobody animate me sooner?**

Second:

**Where is my trailer?**

Third:

**Where is my merchandise department?**

Fourth:

**Why am I not being interviewed on television?**

I have already prepared answers.

---

## About the Book

For those who have somehow managed to miss the most important literary event in my household, *Life on the Cat Tree* is my book.

It is about life from the cat's point of view.

Which means it is finally about life from the correct point of view.

Humans tend to think they run the household.

This is adorable.

They pay the bills.

They open cans.

They buy cat food.

They occasionally operate the mysterious machine that produces warm laundry.

But who decides where everyone sits?

Who determines when breakfast should happen?

Who knows exactly which cupboard contains the treats?

Who wakes up at 4:17 in the morning and runs through the house for absolutely no reason?

Exactly.

The management is feline.

The humans are support staff.

---

## My Book Is About Real Cat Problems

People sometimes ask what sort of stories are in *Life on the Cat Tree*.

I will explain.

There are serious matters.

There are human mistakes.

There are food-related disappointments.

There are unacceptable interruptions.

There are windows that have been closed for reasons no cat has ever accepted.

There are lights that have been turned off because apparently humans believe darkness is "bedtime."

There are moments when my human says:

*"No, Gryzka."*

I consider this a personal insult.

The book documents these things.

Because somebody has to.

History is written by humans.

Cat history is written by cats.

And occasionally by humans who are clever enough to listen.

---

## Then Amin Did Something Strange

He made me move.

I was sitting there one minute.

Being magnificent.

The next thing I knew, I was in an animation.

Moving.

Appearing.

Disappearing.

Being drawn.

Being turned into a little animated version of myself.

I watched the video.

I stared.

Then I looked at my human.

Then back at the screen.

Then at my human again.

She smiled.

I did not.

I was trying to understand the implications.

If I can be animated, does this mean I can now appear in meetings?

Can I attend Zoom calls?

Can I be animated into the kitchen whenever someone opens a packet?

Can I appear beside the refrigerator at exactly 2:03 a.m.?

This requires further investigation.

---

The animation is very nice.

Possibly too nice.

This worries me.

People might begin thinking I am sweet.

I am not saying I am *not* sweet.

I am saying that sweetness is only one of my many qualities.

I am also:

* determined
* intelligent
* observant
* dramatic when necessary
* extremely interested in food
* suspicious of closed doors
* professionally opposed to being ignored
* capable of staring at a human until the human confesses to something

The animation should therefore be considered an artistic interpretation.

It is not a complete psychological profile.

For that, you need the book.

---

## The Human Is Very Proud

My human seems particularly pleased with the animation.

She keeps watching it.

She keeps talking about it.

She keeps telling people about the animation and the book.

This is good.

Promotion is important.

I have explained this to her many times.

She sometimes gets distracted.

For example, she may say:

*"I should post something about the book today."*

Then she notices me.

Then she says:

*"Oh, Gryzka, you're so cute."*

And five minutes disappear.

This is one of the many burdens carried by authors.

---

## What I Think of Amin's Work (https://www.upwork.com/freelancers/aminulhaq?mp_source=share)

I approve.

There.

That is my official review.

You may quote me.

**"Gryzka approves."**

Five stars.

Possibly five paw prints.

I understand that Amin has years of experience creating whiteboard animation and explainer videos, and his Upwork profile shows work across animation, video editing, VideoScribe, Doodly and related video production.

But obviously his greatest professional achievement remains obvious.

He animated me.

You're welcome, Amin.

Your career can now continue.

---

## And What About You?

Perhaps you have a cat.

Perhaps you have a dog.

Perhaps you have a suspiciously intelligent hamster.

Perhaps you are a human who has been living under the impression that you are in charge of your household.

If so, I recommend *Life on the Cat Tree*.

It may educate you.

It may entertain you.

It may cause you to look at your own cat differently.

Most importantly, it may finally help you understand what your cat has been trying to tell you for years.

**You are not the boss.**

You are the staff.

There is a difference.

And if you would like to see what happens when a cat's literary life becomes animated, have a look at the video created by Amin.

I watched it.

You should too.

I am not saying I expect millions of views.

I am simply saying that millions of people have eyes.

It would be wasteful not to use them.

---

### One Last Thing

*Life on the Cat Tree* was written about my life.

But really, it is about something bigger.

It is about the ridiculous, funny, affectionate, chaotic relationship between cats and humans.

The strange little routines.

The arguments over food.

The staring.

The sleeping in impossible places.

The sudden attacks on invisible enemies.

The mysterious midnight running.

The fact that humans somehow believe they can sit down without first obtaining feline permission.

It is life.

From my point of view.

Which, naturally, is the correct one.

And now that my book has been animated, I feel that the next logical step is obvious.

A movie.

I am available for casting.

My human says I am difficult.

I prefer the term **artistically demanding**.

Until then, you can find me where I have always been.

On the cat tree.

Watching.

Judging.

Waiting for dinner.

And wondering why Hollywood has not called yet.

**Gryzka**

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BAT0MzdBhA8 

Kitka Has Started Molting. Again. Nobody Asked.

 

I have an announcement.

A serious announcement.

A hairy announcement.

 Kitka is molting again.

😐

Nobody asked.

Nobody requested it.

There was no meeting.

No consultation with the household.

No vote.

Kitka simply woke up one morning and apparently decided:

“I shall now leave pieces of myself everywhere.”

And she has.

Oh, she has.

---

🐾 The First Sign

It always starts innocently.

One tiny hair.

On the blanket.

Then another.

On the sofa.

Then three on the chair.

Then suddenly...

THE HOUSE IS KITKA.

😳

You sit down.

Kitka is not there.

But Kitka is still there.

Her hair is on the cushion.

Her hair is on your shirt.

Her hair is on the floor.

Her hair is somehow inside your coffee.

I don't understand the physics.

Nobody understands the physics.

Scientists should investigate.

---

🛋️ The Sofa Has Been Reclassified

Yesterday, the human cleaned the sofa.

I watched.

She vacuumed.

She brushed the cushions.

She removed everything.

She stood back proudly.

“Lovely and clean!”

I waited.

Kitka walked past.

She sat down.

She stood up.

She walked away.

That was it.

The sofa was covered again.

😹

Human civilization collapsed in approximately eleven seconds.

---

🧹 Humans Have a Strange Relationship With Cat Hair

Humans complain about cat hair.

Constantly.

“It’s everywhere!”

“Yes.”

“Why is there so much?”

“Because there is a cat.”

“But I just cleaned!”

“Yes.”

“I can't believe this!”

I can.

I have been watching Kitka.

She is basically a walking hair-production facility.

🐱🏭

But humans continue to be surprised.

Every single year.

---

🧥 The Clothes Situation

Humans especially dislike cat hair on black clothing.

This is unfortunate.

Because black clothing is basically a giant advertising billboard for cat hair.

Wear black?

Congratulations!

You now have Kitka-patterned clothing.

🐾🖤🐾🖤🐾

The human gets dressed.

She looks in the mirror.

Everything seems fine.

Then she notices three hairs.

She removes them.

Then seven more appear.

She removes those.

Then she discovers approximately forty-seven more on the back.

At this point, I recommend accepting the situation.

You are wearing Kitka.

This is not a problem.

This is fashion.

---

🧺 The Laundry Betrayal

The human has also developed an unfortunate habit.

She folds clean laundry.

Then she leaves it unattended.

This is where Kitka and I become involved.

Because freshly folded laundry is obviously a cat bed.

This is not controversial.

This is cat law.

🐈‍⬛🧺

The human returns.

She finds a cat sitting on the clothes.

She says:

“Kitka!”

Kitka looks at her.

Kitka does not move.

The human sighs.

Kitka closes her eyes.

Victory.

---

🛏️ The Bed Has Been Compromised

The bed is worse.

Kitka sleeps there.

I sleep there.

Sometimes Lenka sleeps there.

Sometimes Spurka appears.

There is now so much fur in the bedding that I'm beginning to wonder whether we are still sleeping under blankets...

...or inside one enormous communal cat.

😳

The human washes the sheets.

Fresh sheets.

Clean sheets.

Beautiful sheets.

Kitka lies down.

I lie down.

Lenka appears.

Spurka arrives five minutes later.

By bedtime, the sheets are no longer fresh.

They are seasoned.

---

🍂 Autumn Has Arrived

Humans think autumn means:

🍁 colorful leaves
☕ warm drinks
🧣 sweaters
🎃 pumpkins
🕯️ candles

No.

Autumn means:

CAT HAIR.

Everywhere.

The leaves outside fall from trees.

The fur inside falls from cats.

Nature is simply maintaining balance.

🍂🐾

You see a pile of Kitka's fur on the floor?

Don't vacuum it immediately.

Admire it.

It is autumn decoration.

---

🎨 Interior Design by Kitka

I have developed a new design philosophy.

It is called:

Feline Texture.

The principles are simple.

A sofa should contain fur.

A blanket should contain fur.

A carpet should contain fur.

Clothing should contain fur.

Visitors should leave with fur.

This creates continuity throughout the home.

Everything matches.

Everything feels connected.

And most importantly...

Everything smells faintly of cat.

✨

Luxury interior designers charge thousands for less.

---

🧹 The Vacuum Cleaner Has Declared War

The human, however, disagrees.

She has brought out the vacuum cleaner.

Again.

I hate the vacuum cleaner.

Kitka hates the vacuum cleaner.

Spurka disappears when she hears it.

Lenka thinks it is an exciting new toy because she has no survival instincts.

The vacuum begins.

VRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Everyone runs.

Except Kitka.

Kitka sits there.

She stares at it.

She refuses to move.

She is brave.

Or stupid.

Possibly both.

The vacuum approaches.

Kitka finally jumps onto the sofa.

The human catches some hair.

She smiles.

“I finally got it!”

No.

You got some of it.

Kitka has approximately another 900 kilograms stored somewhere.

---

🐱 I Have an Important Question

Why do humans think shedding is bad?

Birds lose feathers.

Trees lose leaves.

Snakes shed skin.

Humans lose socks.

Nobody complains about that.

But a cat leaves twelve hairs on a blanket and suddenly:

“WE NEED TO CLEAN THIS HOUSE.”

🙄

Perhaps humans should shed too.

Then maybe they would understand.

---

🧪 Gryzka's Scientific Explanation

I have conducted extensive research.

My findings are as follows:

Kitka sits down → hair appears.

Kitka walks → hair appears.

Kitka sleeps → hair appears.

Kitka looks at a blanket → hair appears.

Kitka exists → hair appears.

Therefore:

Kitka is not shedding.

Kitka is distributing.

This is an important distinction.

She is not losing fur.

She is generously donating it to the household.

🐾🎁

You're welcome.

---

💡 My Advice to Humans

Instead of fighting the fur, embrace it.

Turn it into a lifestyle.

Call it:

✨ Organic upholstery
✨ Seasonal textile enhancement
✨ Natural insulation
✨ Feline interior decoration
✨ Premium cat-derived carpeting

And when visitors arrive and notice fur on their clothes?

Simply say:

“That's Kitka. She's very exclusive.”

😌

---

🐾 Final Report

Kitka has now moved from the sofa to the bed.

The bed is covered.

The sofa is covered.

The blanket is covered.

My favorite chair is covered.

The human's black trousers are covered.

There is fur floating through the sunlight like tiny snowflakes.

🍂🐱✨

And honestly?

It looks beautiful.

Kitka has created an entire autumn atmosphere without buying a single decoration.

Meanwhile, the human is holding the vacuum cleaner and looking emotionally exhausted.

I have offered my professional advice.

She should sit down.

Preferably somewhere with fur.

And relax.

Because tomorrow...

Kitka will do it all again.

Love,

Gryzka 🐾🐯