Why I Sit on the Book You’re Reading

 

Why I Sit on the Book You’re Reading (Literary Criticism) 📚🐾
by Gryzka, Chair of Feline Letters & Warm Paper Studies

Hello.
I see you’re reading.

This is unfortunate—for the book.

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1. The Book Is Clearly in the Wrong Place ❌📖

If a book is open, it is asking to be sat on.

Closed book? Acceptable.
Open book? Draft. Insecure. Vulnerable.

I am merely offering structural support.

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2. I Am Improving the Plot 🧠✨

Before I arrive, the book has:

• Too many characters

• Too much hope

• Not enough fur

After I sit down:

• The pacing slows

• The tension increases

• The protagonist suffers

This is called depth.

You’re welcome.

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3. Warm Paper Is a Finite Resource 🔥📄

Books hold heat.
I hold importance.

Science has spoken.

If you wanted to keep the book warm, you should have been a cat.

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4. I Am Protecting You from Bad Literature 🚨🐱

If I sit on a book, it means:

• The ending is disappointing

• Someone dies unnecessarily

• There is romance without naps

If it were truly good, I would knock it off the table instead.

This is nuanced criticism.

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5. Eye Contact Is Part of the Review 👁️😼

I sit.
I stare at you.
I blink slowly.

This means:
“You could be reading me.”

And I am clearly more interesting.

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6. My Sisters Contribute Peer Reviews 🐈‍⬛🐾🐈

Spurka passes by and sniffs the spine. If she disapproves, she leaves silently, which is devastating.

Kitka circles once, twice, then sits on the author’s name. Personal, but fair.

Lenka tries to chew the corner. Experimental criticism. Bold.

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7. This Is a Power Move 📖👑

Books demand attention.
I demand allegiance.

There can only be one.

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Final Verdict ✍️🐾

I do not hate your book.
I am testing its resilience.

If it survives beneath me, it deserves to be finished.

If not—
well.

There are better stories to tell.

Gryzka 😼📚