The Mysterious Red Roses

 It all began on the morning of February 14th, when the doorbell rang. Now, as the Chief Security Officer of this household, I, Gryzka the Magnificent, immediately ran to investigate. Spurka and Kitka, my lesser assistants, were of no help. Spurka was busy licking her tail, and Kitka was snoring.

Ania opened the door, and a human handed her a giant bouquet of red flowers.

My tail fluffed up.

Flowers.

Bright. Red. Deliciously crinkly. Obviously for me.

Ania, however, had the audacity to read a note aloud: “Happy Valentine’s Day, Ania!”

Excuse me? ANIA?

Clearly, there had been a mistake. I stood on my hind legs, reaching for the bouquet, but Ania ignored me and put them in a vase.

Phase One: Claiming My Territory

I sprang onto the table and wrapped my paws protectively around the vase. MY roses.

Spurka trotted up, nose twitching. “What’s this?”

I swatted at her. “Not for you!”

She blinked. “Ohhh, so that means I should sniff them?”

I swatted again. “BACK AWAY, PEASANT.”

Kitka finally woke up and strolled over, yawning. “What’s with all the yelling?”

I glared. “MY flowers.”

Kitka raised an eyebrow, sat down, and started licking her paw in that annoyingly calm way. “You know Ania put them there, right?”

I flicked my tail. Irrelevant.

Phase Two: Defense Against Intruders

Ania had left the room. I settled in front of the roses, prepared for battle.

Spurka, ever the opportunist, tried to inch closer.

Swipe! Denied.

Kitka stretched dramatically, knocking the table slightly. The vase wobbled. I lunged to stabilize it, nearly toppling over myself.

Spurka took the distraction as her chance and reached a sneaky paw toward a petal.

“ABSOLUTELY NOT!” I shrieked and launched myself at her.

Unfortunately, I miscalculated. Instead of an elegant leap, I executed a flailing mid-air spin, landed tail-first on the table, and knocked the entire vase over.

Phase Three: The Aftermath

Water everywhere. Roses scattered. Petals on my head.

Spurka looked horrified. Kitka sighed.

At that moment, Ania walked back in. She froze, staring at the disaster.

Silence.

She slowly put her hands on her hips. “Gryzka.”

I blinked. “Yes?”

Her eyes narrowed. “Why?”

I flicked my tail and stood tall among the fallen roses. “Because they were mine.”

Ania sighed and picked up the flowers, shaking her head. “They weren’t for you.”

I gasped, deeply wounded. “What?? Then why are they so red and fancy? Clearly meant for the most important being in this house!”

Ania gave me The Look. You know, the one humans give when they think they have “authority.”

Then, she plucked a single rose from the mess and placed it gently in front of me.

“Here. Now we’re even.”

I sniffed it. Considered my options.

Then, I did what any proud cat would do.

I chomped the stem in half and strutted away.

Case closed.