The Sock That Tried to Kill Me

 

Alright, my humans, today I will tell you how I once again saved the house. Nobody believes me, but that’s because everyone has stale brains, and I have a young, fast, perfect cat–warrior brain.

 The morning started normally: my human Ania was making coffee, Kitka was pretending to be a wise old lady, and Spurka… well, Spurka just existed as a big black shadow of drama.

And then — disaster. I see something moving behind the curtain. Some murky, murky shape. Looks like a tangle of ghost, spider, and dust all in one.

Of course, my human mom notices nothing. Humans are blind like bats.

So, I — heroine of this home — leap. Straight onto the curtain. The curtain falls. I fall. Spurka screams. Kitka knocks over the food bowl. Mom Ania yells:
“Gryzka, not again!”

And I cling to the curtain like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible, only better because I have whiskers.

When I finally caught that murky monster, it turned out to be… a sock.
But not just any sock — a living sock. It wriggled on its own! Surely an evil creature with a dark agenda.

Proudly, I bring it to Ania. She says:
“Gryzka, it’s just an old sock.”

COME ON.

She doesn’t understand the danger of the sock world. Doesn’t know how many times I’ve saved it. Doesn’t thank me.

And what do I get as a reward?
A devastating earthquake:
“We’ll trim your nails later.”

Excuse me? Nails?
My cosmic claws?

My dear humans, if you don’t hear from me tomorrow — know that the war has begun.
The real one.
Epic.

Against scissors.