Nap Like You Mean It

Let’s get something straight:

I sleep 20 hours a day, and I’m still too tired.
Don’t ask how. Ask why not more?

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Step 1: Wake Up Exhausted

Start the day strong by opening one eye, sighing, and changing napping positions. If your human says, “Good morning, Gryzka!” roll dramatically and mutter, “Is it though?” Then go back to sleep for 3 more hours. You’re off to a productive start.

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Step 2: Stretch Like You Worked a Double Shift at the Tuna Factory

Extend one paw… groan. Arch your back… yawn like you’ve been emotionally betrayed. Walk 12 steps to the sunny patch of floor, collapse dramatically. Exhaustion: refreshed.

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Step 3: Hydration (Sort of)

Stare at your water bowl. Contemplate the meaning of water. Lick once. Nap next to it. You’re 86% fluff and vibes anyway.

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Step 4: Light Exercise (Optional)

Swat vaguely at a dust bunny. Miss. Yawn. Sit down and look suspiciously at nothing in particular until your human asks if you see a ghost.
Congratulations, you’ve done more than most people on vacation.

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Step 5: Lunchtime, If I Must

Sniff the food. Leave. Come back. Sniff again. Yell. Eat 3 bites. Leave. Stare at the wall for 17 minutes. Exhausting. Time for another nap.

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Step 6: Productivity Window (3–5 minutes max)

Stare out the window. Think mean thoughts about pigeons. Judge the neighbor’s dog. Hiss at nothing.
Congratulations, you've participated in society.

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Step 7: Avoidance Tactics

Human wants cuddles? Pretend to be asleep.
Human wants to trim your claws? Go fully limp like an emotionally unstable noodle.
Human says, “Do something cute for Instagram”? Collapse in the litter box. Perfect.

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Step 8: Evening Wind-Down Routine

Move from the bed to the chair. From the chair to the bookshelf. From the bookshelf to the human’s chest while she’s reading. Loud purring. Kneading. Hair everywhere. Collapse dramatically. Sleep.

Wake up 10 minutes later, walk across keyboard, and scream into the void (optional but recommended).

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Final Thoughts from a Tired Feline Philosopher:

If you’re not tired from doing nothing, you’re not doing it right.
The heat? Draining.
The expectations? Laughable.
The energy levels? Subterranean.

So yes, I sleep 20 hours a day. And yes, I’m still too tired.
But darling, I’m exhausted in style.

Now excuse me while I yawn into the next dimension.

Sleepily yours,
Gryzka
Professional Napologist, Domestic Icon, Unemployed by Choice