No, I Will Not Wear a Costume

Greetings, minions, humans, and occasional fellow cats.

It is I, Gryzka, your supreme overlord, commentator of chaos, and connoisseur of dignity. Today, I must address a grave injustice: Halloween.

Step One: The Suggestion

Mom approached with the words that chilled my very soul:

“Gryzka, we need a costume for Halloween!”

I paused mid-grooming. I blinked. I considered whether this was some sort of test of patience.

Costume?

For me?

Do you realize what you are asking? My fur alone is a costume of perfection, woven from the finest grey tabby elegance.

Step Two: The Persuasion

She produced tiny hats, ridiculous capes, and even a plastic pumpkin “vest.”

“Look, Gryzka, you’ll be adorable!”

Adorable?

I am majestic. I am a goddess. I am not adorable. Adorable is for Kitka when she forgets she is a calico and thinks she’s a clown.

Spurka looked mildly interested. Or maybe she was plotting revenge for last week’s kibble incident.

Step Three: The Protest

I performed the Sarcastic Stare of Doom. I sat in the middle of the room, tail flicking like lightning. I meowed in slow, deliberate tones of disgust.

“Do you see what you’re asking? That I, Gryzka, wrap myself in human cloth?”

Kitka, of course, cheered for the hats. Spurka rolled dramatically on the floor in despair—possibly out of solidarity, possibly because she’s easily distracted.

Step Four: The Resolution

Mom sighed, muttered something about “grumpy cats” and “next year,” and left me to my rightful throne. I reclaimed the armchair.

Victory is mine. I remain un-costumed. I remain majestic. I remain undefeated.

Take note, humans: Halloween is for humans, not for me.

Forever fabulous,

**Gryzka, Costume-Free Queen of October** 🐾✨