Hiss and tell: black cats Halloween

I have a complaint.

Actually, I have several.

But let us begin with October.

Halloween is coming.

The pumpkins are appearing.

The fake spiderwebs are spreading.

Humans are putting mysterious decorations on perfectly innocent houses.

And every advertisement suddenly contains...

a black cat.

🐈‍⬛

Again.

Everywhere.

Black cat on the pumpkin.

Black cat beside the witch.

Black cat sitting dramatically on a windowsill.

Black cat staring mysteriously into the distance.

Black cat looking as though it knows something.

Black cat being described as “spooky.”

Excuse me?

WHAT ABOUT ME?

🐯😾

🎃 Apparently Stripes Aren't Mysterious

I am a striped cat.

A beautiful striped cat.

A sophisticated striped cat.

A cat with excellent facial markings and a tail that deserves its own documentary.

But apparently, when October arrives, humans look at me and say:

“Awww! Look at the cute little tiger!”

Cute?

CUTE?

I can be terrifying.

I once stared at a delivery driver for eleven consecutive seconds.

He stepped backward.

I have evidence.

That is basically supernatural activity.

👻🐾

🐈‍⬛ The Black Cat Monopoly

I have nothing against black cats.

Let me make that clear.

Spurka is black.

I love Spurka.

She is my sister.

She is also extremely good at looking mysterious.

But does that mean she should get all the Halloween publicity?

No.

This is discrimination against stripes.

Every October, black cats receive:

🎃 Pumpkins
🕯️ Candles
🧙 Witches
🌙 Moonlight
🏚️ Haunted houses
👻 Ghosts
🕸️ Spiderwebs

What do striped cats receive?

“Who's a cute little baby?”

😐

I am not a baby.

I am a seasoned household professional.

🌙 I Can Do Mysterious Too

People say black cats look mysterious at night.

Fine.

Watch this.

I sit in the hallway at 2:13 a.m.

No lights.

No sound.

Just me.

The human wakes up.

She walks into the hallway.

She sees two glowing eyes.

She screams.

I walk away.

MYSTERY.

🐯🌙

The problem is not that striped cats aren't mysterious.

The problem is that humans don't appreciate sophisticated mystery when it walks directly past them.

🧙 I Would Make an Excellent Witch's Cat

Let's consider my qualifications.

I can stare into space for no apparent reason.

✔️

I can knock objects off shelves without touching them.

✔️

I can appear silently behind humans.

✔️

I can predict when food is being opened from three rooms away.

✔️

I can disappear whenever someone wants to put me in a carrier.

✔️

I possess the ability to summon humans from another room by making one tiny noise.

✔️

And I can sleep for seventeen hours and still look exhausted.

✔️

Tell me I wouldn't make an excellent witch's familiar.

Exactly.

🎃 The Pumpkin Incident

Last year, the human brought home a pumpkin.

She put it on the table.

I inspected it.

It was orange.

Round.

Silent.

Suspicious.

I approached.

I sniffed it.

I stared at it.

The pumpkin stared back.

I decided it was acceptable.

Then the human put a face on it.

😳

Suddenly the pumpkin had eyes.

And a mouth.

And a disturbing expression.

I immediately understood.

It was trying to become a cat.

This was clearly an act of cultural appropriation.

🐯 Stripes Are Naturally Halloween-Friendly

Have humans forgotten what stripes look like?

Stripes are dramatic.

Stripes are bold.

Stripes are wild.

Stripes say:

“I may look adorable, but I have opinions.”

🐯

My coat already looks like nature designed a Halloween costume.

I don't need a hat.

I don't need a cape.

I don't need fake fangs.

I have claws.

Thank you very much.

👻 Humans Keep Buying Fake Spooky Things

This is another thing I don't understand.

Humans buy plastic ghosts.

They buy fake skeletons.

They buy artificial spiders.

They buy things that make horrible noises.

Then they complain when I knock something over at 3 a.m.

“But Gryzka! You scared me!”

Exactly.

Halloween is about being scared.

I am simply contributing to the atmosphere.

You're welcome.

🕷️ The Spider Situation

Speaking of Halloween...

Humans put fake spiders on walls.

Why?

We already have real spiders.

They are free.

They are small.

They occasionally provide entertainment.

And if you leave them alone, they eat flies.

Yet humans spend money on fake ones.

Then they see a real spider and scream.

Humans are extremely confusing.

📸 The Halloween Photo Problem

There is also the annual Halloween photograph.

The human picks up Spurka.

“Look! A Halloween kitty!”

Spurka looks annoyed.

Then the human picks me up.

“Look at Gryzka!”

I look magnificent.

Naturally.

But then the human says:

“Awww! She's so cute!”

😾

No.

Try again.

“Terrifying.”

Still wrong.

“Powerful.”

Better.

“Ancient feline spirit who has returned from the shadows to judge humanity.”

Perfect.

Now take the picture.

📸🐯

🏆 Gryzka's Halloween Awards

I have decided to establish new Halloween categories.

🐯 Best Striped Cat

Obviously me.

🐈‍⬛ Best Black Cat

Spurka.

I am generous.

🧙 Best Witch's Assistant

Me.

🎃 Best Cat With a Pumpkin

Me.

👻 Best Cat Who Scares Humans Without Trying

Also me.

🌙 Best Midnight Stare

Me.

🕸️ Best Cat Who Completely Ignores Halloween Decorations

Kitka.

🏆 Lifetime Achievement Award for Feline Excellence

Also me.

We can stop now.

📢 My Official Halloween Statement

I am not asking humans to stop celebrating black cats.

Black cats are beautiful.

Black cats are elegant.

Black cats deserve all the love they receive.

But Halloween has room for everyone.

Black cats.

White cats.

Orange cats.

Calico cats.

Tortoiseshell cats.

And, most importantly...

STRIPED CATS.

🐯🎃

We bring our own special kind of spooky.

Our stripes are dramatic.

Our eyes are suspicious.

Our tails are expressive.

Our nighttime activities are questionable.

And our ability to appear silently beside humans is unmatched.

🐾 Final Thoughts From Gryzka

So this October, when you see a Halloween advertisement featuring a black cat, appreciate it.

But then look around.

Because somewhere nearby...

there is probably a striped cat.

Sitting on a windowsill.

Watching.

Judging.

Waiting.

Perhaps she is surrounded by pumpkins.

Perhaps she is sitting beside a fake skeleton.

Perhaps she is simply staring at you because you have been late with dinner.

Either way...

She is the real Halloween icon.

🎃🐯👻

And if you don't believe me?

Turn off the lights.

Walk into the hallway.

Wait.

...

BOO.

That was me.