April 1st. The day humans think they are clever.
Ania woke up with that suspicious smile. “Girls,” she said, “today is April Fool’s!”
Excuse me.
Sit down. Take notes.
Phase 1: Total Stillness
08:02 – I positioned myself on the sofa.
Paws tucked. Tail invisible. Eyes closed at 97% (never 100% — amateurs do that).
Breathing: slow. Regal. Spiritual.
Kitka glanced at me. She knows. She respects the craft.
Spurka tried to poke my ear. I did not react.
Lenka whispered, “Is she… gone?”
Excellent.
Phase 2: Human Manipulation
Ania approached cautiously.
“Gryzka?” she whispered.
Silence.
She touched my paw.
Nothing.
She lifted my tail slightly.
Still nothing.
Her HEART rate increased. I could feel it in the air. Delicious tension.
She googled something on her phone. I heard typing.
Probably: “Why is my cat not moving but looks dramatic?”
Phase 3: The Resurrection
At 08:11, when anxiety reached optimal seasoning…
I stretched.
Slowly.
Luxuriously.
One paw extended. Claws deployed.
I opened one eye.
Ania gasped. “YOU SCARED ME!”
I blinked.
April Fool’s.
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