It has happened again.
October has arrived.
The temperature has dropped slightly.
The mornings are darker.
And suddenly...
Humans are drinking hot things.
☕☕☕
Everywhere I look, there is a steaming cup.
Coffee.
Tea.
Cocoa.
Something called a latte.
Something else called a cappuccino.
And apparently there is now pumpkin in some of them.
π☕
I have questions.
Many questions.
But I have one particularly important question:
WHERE IS THE TUNA?
☕ The First Cup Appears
It usually starts in the morning.
The human wakes up.
She walks into the kitchen.
She makes coffee.
The machine makes strange noises.
The coffee smells strong enough to wake the dead.
The human takes one sip.
And says:
“Ahhh. That's better.”
Better?
Better than what?
Being alive?
π
Apparently humans cannot function properly without hot brown liquid.
I have observed this carefully.
No coffee:
Human walks slowly.
Coffee:
Human suddenly has opinions.
More coffee:
Human begins making lists.
Three coffees:
Human starts reorganizing the kitchen.
Four coffees:
I hide.
πΎ I Tried to Understand Coffee
Naturally, I investigated.
I approached the cup.
I sniffed it.
I immediately regretted this decision.
☕π
It smelled like burnt furniture.
The human loves it.
I asked Kitka for her opinion.
She sniffed.
Walked away.
Spurka looked at it suspiciously.
Lenka tried to stick her nose in it.
We stopped her.
Lenka has no sense of danger.
π΅ Then Came Tea
Humans apparently drink different kinds of tea.
Black tea.
Green tea.
Herbal tea.
Fruit tea.
Mint tea.
Chamomile tea.
Tea with lemon.
Tea without lemon.
Tea that smells like flowers.
Tea that smells like grass.
Tea that smells like something humans found in a forest.
πΏπ΅
I have one question.
If you wanted hot water...
Why didn't you simply drink hot water?
Humans make everything complicated.
π The Tuna Tea Proposal
I have therefore developed a new beverage.
Gryzka's Premium Tuna Tea™
Ingredients:
- hot water
- tuna
- additional tuna
- one tiny piece of chicken for sophistication
Preparation:
Put everything in a cup.
Stir.
Serve immediately.
I presented this idea to the human.
She looked at me.
Then she said:
“No.”
π
Humans claim to be adventurous.
They are not.
π« The Cocoa Incident
Then there is cocoa.
Humans make cocoa and suddenly become emotional.
They sit under blankets.
They hold the mug with both hands.
They stare out the window.
They say:
“This is so cozy.”
I have noticed this word becoming increasingly popular.
Cozy.
Everything is cozy in October.
Rain is cozy.
Blankets are cozy.
Socks are cozy.
Candles are cozy.
Books are cozy.
Hot drinks are cozy.
Cats are cozy.
Finally!
Humans have discovered our entire lifestyle.
Cats have been doing cozy for thousands of years.
We invented it.
πΎ A Scientific Study
I conducted a scientific experiment.
I placed myself beside the human while she drank her coffee.
She had:
☕ Hot coffee
𧣠A blanket
π A book
π―️ A candle
I had:
π± Me
Clearly, I was the superior cozy component.
After approximately four minutes, the human put the book down and started petting me.
RESULT:
Cat: 1
Coffee: 0
Science works.
π And Now There Is Pumpkin
This is where things became ridiculous.
Humans have started putting pumpkin in coffee.
Pumpkin.
In coffee.
Why?
Nobody knows.
The human says:
“It's pumpkin spice.”
I say:
“It's pumpkin confusion.”
ππ
Then she drinks it and says:
“Mmm!”
I smell it.
It smells like cinnamon.
And pumpkin.
And something sweet.
I look at her.
She looks at me.
I look at the pumpkin.
The pumpkin looks suspicious.
π₯ The Milk Problem
Another thing I have noticed:
Humans put milk in almost everything.
Coffee?
Milk.
Tea?
Sometimes milk.
Cocoa?
Milk.
Pumpkin drink?
Probably milk.
Meanwhile, when I approach the refrigerator and express interest in milk, humans suddenly become nutrition experts.
“No, Gryzka. Cats shouldn't have too much milk.”
Excuse me?
You just poured half a cow into your coffee.
But apparently I am the one who needs boundaries.
πΎ
π️ The Hot Drink + Blanket Combination
There is another October ritual.
The human makes a hot drink.
Then she gets a blanket.
Then she sits down.
Then she says:
“I'm going to relax for a while.”
Excellent.
This is where I enter.
I climb onto the blanket.
The human moves the cup.
I settle down.
She adjusts the blanket.
I move.
She adjusts it again.
I move again.
Eventually she gives up.
This is called feline blanket management.
Someone has to do it.
π¨ The Hot Cup Emergency
There is, however, one problem.
Humans leave hot cups in dangerous places.
On the table.
On the desk.
Beside the laptop.
Near the edge.
Sometimes extremely close to a cat.
This is irresponsible.
We cats are curious.
We investigate things.
We knock things over.
Not because we are naughty.
Because we are conducting experiments.
πΎ
“What happens if I touch this?”
SPLASH.
Now we know.
Science.
π΅️ The Case of the Missing Biscuit
Hot drinks also come with biscuits.
This is important.
The human makes tea.
She puts a biscuit beside it.
She turns around.
The biscuit disappears.
She looks confused.
She looks at me.
I look innocent.
She looks at Kitka.
Kitka looks sleepy.
She looks at Spurka.
Spurka is mysteriously absent.
She looks at Lenka.
Lenka has crumbs on her face.
π
Case closed.
π± My Official October Beverage Ranking
I have created a ranking system.
π₯ Tuna broth
Obviously.
π₯ Chicken broth
Acceptable.
π₯ Water
Reliable.
4️⃣ Milk
Interesting, but humans have complicated rules about it.
5️⃣ Coffee
Smells terrible.
6️⃣ Tea
Hot water pretending to have a personality.
7️⃣ Cocoa
Smells good but belongs to humans.
8️⃣ Pumpkin spice latte
A pumpkin has no business being in a cup.
☕ Why Humans Drink Hot Things
After extensive research, I believe I understand.
Humans drink hot things because autumn makes them want to feel warm.
They want blankets.
They want candles.
They want books.
They want soft socks.
They want quiet evenings.
They want something warm in their hands while rain taps against the window.
And you know what?
I understand.
Because cats like autumn too.
We just don't need a special beverage.
We have fur.
πΎ
And we have each other.
And we have the radiator.
Most importantly...
We have humans who can make tea while we supervise.
π― Final Thoughts From Gryzka
So, humans, enjoy your coffee.
Drink your tea.
Have your cocoa.
Put pumpkin in it if you absolutely insist.
Just remember something.
When you are sitting under your blanket with your steaming cup, enjoying your peaceful October evening...
There is probably a cat nearby.
Watching.
Waiting.
Judging your beverage.
And wondering why you haven't invented something with tuna yet.
Perhaps one day.
Until then, I shall remain patient.
Very patient.
...
Is that your cup?
Can I smell it?
No?
Fine.
I'll sit here.
And stare at you.
☕π―π
Love,
Gryzka πΎ
Chief Beverage Inspector, Department of Human Autumn Habits
Official position: Strongly in favor of tuna tea
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